Unabashed bastardry – someone stole away my libido,
Taking away my balls and shoving them into a purse,
Leaving me flat, deserted, fragile and flaccid;
So I gave away my misery – a charitable deed done,
My being no longer troubled by the consummation of flesh,
I plucked myself off the rack of pleasure and strode briskly along.

Before long, I realised I’d forgotten my appetite, or worse
Left it at the last inn with my credit card.
Damned luck, I no longer hungered to fill the void
Between my esophageus and my bowels;
I could no maintain my ambition to swallow the world
As I marched merrily along to my next source of bad fortune.

The wretched wheel of fate next beat me over the head,
Sucking at the deep vein thrombosis in my neck
Until my anger had been spilt upon the footpath;
O shallow waters of humility was all they left me with,
My hideous contentment overcoming me like a rash;
But I was running late so I moved towards my next fatal blow.

In the darkness I stumbled across a beauteous mirror
That would’ve given Narcissus reason to leave his pond
To gaze upon the wonderful image I had found in it;
But some incredible moron came along and smashed it
With his clumsy hands, and my pride ran swiftly off into the distance,
Never to be seen again. Weakly, meekly, I trundled onwards.

My journey ended when I found a little bird, full of softness,
Kindness and more love than could be stung from a single kiss
Than all of the riches of the world combined;
But the winds of time swept her away to foreign shores,
Leaving me longing to catch that little bird
To hold it in my grasp just one last time…

But I looked back over my journey and counted my losses,
My balls, my hunger, my anger, my mirror;
But no loss was as great as the seas of sadness left by her departing,
Leaving me with my love of her with nowhere to put it.
I try endlessly to throw my love away but I keep finding it,
The little bird stole my heart but my left my love tied to my shoe.

So come on, little pest, let us trundle forward to find new places
To cast you off – how many times have I tried to rid you of my presence
Only to have you come back to me each time more hopeful than the last;
Is there no thief coy enough, no bandit strong enough,
To take you from me once and for all –
My love just won’t leave me alone no matter how far I fall.